BREAKING NEWS: Boston Bruins Top Star David Pastrnak’s Contract Cancelled Due to…
In a shocking move, the Boston Bruins announced today that David Pastrnak’s contract has been terminated due to his newfound love for competitive snail racing.
Sources close to the team reveal that Pastrnak’s obsession with snail racing has led to repeated absences from team practices and games.
“We’re disappointed, but we can’t compete with the thrill of snail racing,” said Bruins GM Don Sweeney.
– Pastrnak’s snail, “Pasta the Fast,” has won three consecutive regional championships.
– He’s been secretly building a snail racing track in his backyard.
– Pastrnak’s agent claims he’s received offers from European snail racing leagues.
– “I never saw this coming,” said coach Bruce Cassidy. “David’s passion for snails is unmatched.”
– “We’ll miss him, but snail racing is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity,”
Leave a Reply